I have no idea how to start this post so I’m just going to jump into it – blame the lack of doing any free writing at all lately.

I’m becoming more and more aware that I end up censoring things I want to write or comment on. That’s incredibly disappointing when it seems like I have more to say than ever. This isn’t solely related to this blog – it’s across all of my social networks too.

I know it’s entirely out of a desire of being able to get my thoughts out anonymously without thinking about what my friends think. That’s fucking pathetic but unfortunately true. I tend to tell myself that I don’t really care what other people think. I’m pretty firm in my ideologies but I know for a fact that I would write less inhibited if people didn’t associate who’s writing these words with who I am when we’re hanging out.

It’s a conflicting issue — on one hand you’d probably get a better idea of who I am and how I think by reading a few posts around here but it’s come to a point where I don’t feel like sharing because unfortunately this text can only convey a message or feeling to such an extent.

I’m also not sure that I like the link to the past that these posts have created. I am not ashamed of past-tense me but I’m not entirely that person anymore either and the only way I feel able to show that is to cut ties in ways that don’t make any sense at all.

I guess most of all I feel jaded. Not sad, but disappointed in realizing that so much that I’ve cared about politically, musically, and socially really only ever mattered to me. I’m not winning anyone over. Lately I’m not even engaging in any interesting discussion.

This may all have to do with transparency and ease of sharing online anymore. I’ve gone from wanting throw out every little emotional twinge to the wind via this blog to wanting to compartmentalize what, how, and with who I share information.

I guess I’m stoked to now just push a photo or video to my friends and family on a smaller scale via Facebook rather than write a page about why I love a new album from such-and-such band.

Postblink has been really cool. I opened up a dialog with people. Nothing will ever be as straight-up random to me as when I was at Warped Tour in Minnesota a few years ago and a couple of bloggers who read my rants recognized me. I started this blogging thing as an experimentation to teach myself a little bit about web development and greater goals spawned forth. I don’t know if I’ll ever reach 10% of what came to mind but it’s been fun nonetheless.

I’m still brainstorming what I want to do here. I’ve got no intentions of closing up shop, so to speak, but it’s obviously been on hold for a bit. I guess this post doesn’t make a lot of sense. It’s kind of a “I’m still here but I have no idea why” sentiment. That’s just kind of where I am with life right now. Damn that sounds significantly more depressing than I mean it to – see what I mean with text only taking me so far? Fuck it. Until next time!