Immersion

I’ve enjoyed writing for as long as I can remember. I’m not sure that I’ve ever been good at it but I’ve always enjoyed putting my thoughts down in one way or another. A pencil and a new notepad put a smile on my face when I was little. I was a weird kid.

Somewhere in my timeline between blowing off school and realizing I needed to actually start creating and reaching goals to rectify my many, many past mistakes, I latched on to this idea of new media journalism. It was something I wanted to be a part of. I started rambling about things as often as I could force myself to sit down and write out my thoughts. Things happening in my life, things happening in the world, my general interests, and more opinions than any person that age should have or take seriously. I wanted to immerse myself in writing, and succeeded. I enjoyed it a lot. At first.

Along the way I found myself typing out my thoughts in a way that almost censored what I was actually thinking or trying to portray then. I was trying to write in a voice that wasn’t my own, I was trying to adhere to what I thought was a perspective that people reading would expect from me, and I was trying to convey thoughts to an audience that hardly even existed.  I started obeying little made-up rules in my head that didn’t have a reason to even exist in the first place.

I posted with less and less frequency and eventually let my hosting subscription lapse. I held on to the domains but abandoned all the content.  It misrepresented who I was as a person at the time and certainly not who I am now. Have you ever pulled out a piece of homework or a project from when you were in middle school? Something you remember working on seriously but was bordering on embarrassing now? That’s how I felt about everything I had written online before. It was all bordering on embarrassing and full of someone trying too hard.

So I’m starting over. The only agenda is to not repeat the same mistakes or veer off course. I’m writing for me, on my schedule, and without an audience in mind. Here we go.

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